HUIYXNN ♥

" Bits Of Fun , Food & Everything Nice"

posted on Saturday, October 26, 2013 @ Saturday, October 26, 2013 | permalink

Feel so fucking angry that I've to blog this so immediately.

So angry that I could push everyone off the fucking bus and burst into tears.

Why every fucking time it's the same thing happening over and over again.

WHY.

You can be petty & I can't ?

I tried to give you a kiss or sit near you , you fucking move away.

It's FINE. I'll get used to it.

Many more times to come.

Cold and yet no one to hug because someone is irritated for fucking 30 mins.

Stomach hurts like fuck and I can't have you to place your hand on my tummy neither .

I guess you won't be coming tomorrow too.

Wasted my effort in pleading my mom to let you come because I want her to see my boyfriend , how cute is he and let her trust you more and be the first ever boyfriend to be bought home.

But it seems like that won't happened already.

Wow.

Now I'm gonna have to be in my room the whole fucking day tomorrow ?

Well done.

Thanks a lot , now I can't see you and my excitement is killed.

posted on Wednesday, October 23, 2013 @ Wednesday, October 23, 2013 | permalink

Not sure whether

you're ignoring me or what

But the last seen on the app

Sure kills pretty much

Not sure what went wrong

But It'll be better if I was told

Now I've to sleep " alone " ,

Without hearing your voice or so.

It's okay , I guess

It's normal for you to get irritated.

You're seldom out with your friends

I shouldn't be so selfish.

But you're an ass by not picking my phone.

I just want to know you're safe ...

Is it that hard ?

posted on Monday, October 21, 2013 @ Monday, October 21, 2013 | permalink

Instead of study

I'm gasping for air

Drowning ,

In the sea of sadness

I feel so cold and numb

I couldn't feel you anywhere

I'm just so scared you'll leave me

Just so scared I annoy you.

I know I do.

Everyone know.

And today ,

I came to realize he was right.

It's an disgrace.

To hit him in public ,

Even if I'm playfully hitting .

I think it hurts a lot.

I cause him to feel disgraced ,

And I'm the cause of his disgrace ,

Hence I'm disgraceful.

I shouldn't say I'll leave.

It'll probably make him so angry ,

Or he'll just say " leave lo " .

No.

That shouldn't happen.

Maybe I shouldn't be clingy towards him

Anymore

Maybe then I'll learn y lesson , slowly

For being so clingy.

Now I'm suffering inside

I couldn't cry

I couldn't smile

I stopped eating what I was eating

I actually hurt someone I love ,

Who am I gonna hurt next ?

Sometimes I think I shouldn't be alive

Cause I'm a waste of resource

Troublemaking and annoying to everyone

I feel so numb.

I want to cry but I can't

What should I do ?

I should be studying now

But the motivation is now gone

I tied not to spoil the relationship between us.

But it seems like almost single day

I spoil our relationship

Create tension

I wished we could be like last time too

But it's not easy

At all.

posted on Friday, October 18, 2013 @ Friday, October 18, 2013 | permalink

If you're reading this ,

I love you. ❤️

posted on Wednesday, October 16, 2013 @ Wednesday, October 16, 2013 | permalink

Feel so tired nowadays.

Physically , mentally , emotionally

I know you're tired , I know.

Which makes you irritated and have pms.

But there's just something I don't get it .

Why .

Yesterday you were still fine with the picture I posted using your Instagram , you said you like that picture . Today , you told me to stop posting with your account , with the sentence " seriously stop it. "

My heart just sank so deeply.

What did I do wrong ?

You said you liked it ?

Now you don't , and you even deleted the picture.

Why , what's wrong with it ?

We're you too scared to let people know I used your account ? Or did someone told you off and make you feel useless ? Who ?

A sorry doesnt works on this.

I know you don't really mean it to be so harsh , but it's the words that really hurts me a lot .

It's like a small and deep cut in my heart.

I don't know what to do.

You could had just told me you needed space and privacy , don't post with your account NICELY.

That really hurts. Really .

Now everything you say doesn't seems as sincere anymore , you didnt give me a smile like you usually do when you first see me , there no hugs but only one good bye kiss .. Or was it just because I tried and cried to much that everything feels like nothing ?

You are just tired , I know .

But if I were you , I would try my best to smile just for you.

Okay I'm just being selfish . I know .

Sorry.

posted on Monday, October 14, 2013 @ Monday, October 14, 2013 | permalink

It's been long since i last blogged , so i'll sum everything up into this post .
But I'll start with the post for today.

Since O's are coming , i don't really have much time at the pace i'm studying at .
I tried studying alone , due to some reasons , today and found myself only studying for 2 hours or less before heading home .

Today has been a rather bad day for me .
Bad morning start , hence a bad day throughout .
But it's my fault so i wouldn't blame .. him .
I was the one who suggested to wear class tee , he agreed so okay .
When i met him and bronson at his grandma's place , i totally forgotten about him not wearing class tee until my classmate asked me why i'm not wearing uniform when we went over to fetch her .

i just suddenly realize how stupid i was , for not wearing uniform for school event .
I got so angry out of the sudden and threw my umbrella at him .
for not telling me he's wearing school uniform .

I hate to be different from others .
Not that i have no sense of originality .
I'm just scared to be judge , and what's more it's a school event so uniform would be more appropriate .
I went down the stairs as quickly as i could and walked under the drizzles .
Got so upset that i teared as i walked to the bus stop and waiting for the stupid bus for 11 mins
in cold .
Reached home with my hair and cardigan wet .
Mom asked me with this this-troublesome-bitch tone " why you come back ? "
Of course i said my "friend" lied to me on wearing classtee .
And left home with his cardigan and my running shoe ( more like for walking ) .

Reached school almost an hour late and i could sense everyone looking at me .
I mean obviously la .
We would always notice it when people walking at the side of the hall .
And i sat beside my co-form
alone .

I tried to catch a glimpse of you ,
but i know you would be angry with me for walking off , again .
You know my temper .
I walk off when i'm angry , throw things when i'm angry .
I can't control my emotions well .
I don't know to just cry or what when the counselor told me i looked abit of emo .
How am i suppose to react ?

I quickly ate my brunch and left school
walking the way we'll usually walk home together .
I couldn't hide my tears anymore so i cried and walked .
I walked and cried to the bus stop .
Feel so insecure without you then when passersby kept look at me
and they're guys .
i sat on the stone chair facing the river or whatever shit you called that ,
and cried stupidly , hoping no one would hear me .

seriously asking you to return me the umbrella was just an excuse to see you .
I wanted to apologize .
I wrote that on our diary ;
to find or call you when we quarrel .
But it's very obvious you don't want to see me as you left my umbrella outside your house
and asked me to go and take it , or leave it .
I went , and took it .
I crossed the road like some idiot who had never jay walked before and almost got into and accident .
Stupid things like this always happen when i'm not thinking .

Since you won't see me , i went home .

Showered and left house .
Out to study .
At mac

Alone .

And happened to see Junjie and calvin there .
& tried to disturb the sleeping junjie while he's sleeping .

But while studying alone , junjie came in and mess my hair before going to the toilet .
I serious thought it was you .
I felt so happy , thinking you came and find me , thinking it was you who messed my hair as you'll always do that ,
i looked around frantically , and found myself so disappointed .
It was junjie .

Sigh .

I called you , you didn't pick so i thought you're really sleeping .
I think you were .

And i went home so early for the first time , just to have a nap .
Maybe i was so tired after walking in the small rain this morning .

I'm just so upset .
So upset that i got so angry over nothing .
I'm really tired .
Tired of myself being like that .
Maybe it should be a law that people who can't handle their emotions cannot be in any relationship .
Maybe that'll be better .
It'll save all the heartbreaks and tears .

So tired , emotionally , physically & mentally
My stomach ain't working well too .
Think i ate too much and it's not digesting well .
Tried to purge and nothing came out so i took eno .
Will probably go and do art right now .

***
It's 3 months and 3 days since we've been officially together .
I really hoped to get through years with you .
Really .
If something goes wrong ..
I'll probably be a lesbian like my cousin then .
I couldn't love another person like as much and how much i loved you .
It's actually 5 months plus , if you did asked me earlier .
We wanted to wait till o's are over but hah ,
ain't we some impatient little kids .

You still owe me 2 churros
Hahahah .
I like it when you get it for me .
I feel like a kid , feeling so happy when their parents get for them just a lollipop .
But obviously this is way to ex . like 4 times the price of lollipop . HA
Regardless of the price ,
you were still willing to just see me eat the churros stupidly .

I .. couldn't help tearing when i think of us going to USS .
It's like , most of our memories are made there .
The cutting of queue for the mummy ride , hugging you from the back while queuing ,
sitting on the outdoor ride while holding your hand , listening and watching you complain how wet you got and how much the ride handle stinks ..
and the look on your face , how you looked at me and smiled at me with your eyebrow raised and say
" nothing , just looking at you "

I miss you so much .. really.