HUIYXNN ♥

" Bits Of Fun , Food & Everything Nice"

posted on Monday, October 14, 2013 @ Monday, October 14, 2013 | permalink

It's been long since i last blogged , so i'll sum everything up into this post .
But I'll start with the post for today.

Since O's are coming , i don't really have much time at the pace i'm studying at .
I tried studying alone , due to some reasons , today and found myself only studying for 2 hours or less before heading home .

Today has been a rather bad day for me .
Bad morning start , hence a bad day throughout .
But it's my fault so i wouldn't blame .. him .
I was the one who suggested to wear class tee , he agreed so okay .
When i met him and bronson at his grandma's place , i totally forgotten about him not wearing class tee until my classmate asked me why i'm not wearing uniform when we went over to fetch her .

i just suddenly realize how stupid i was , for not wearing uniform for school event .
I got so angry out of the sudden and threw my umbrella at him .
for not telling me he's wearing school uniform .

I hate to be different from others .
Not that i have no sense of originality .
I'm just scared to be judge , and what's more it's a school event so uniform would be more appropriate .
I went down the stairs as quickly as i could and walked under the drizzles .
Got so upset that i teared as i walked to the bus stop and waiting for the stupid bus for 11 mins
in cold .
Reached home with my hair and cardigan wet .
Mom asked me with this this-troublesome-bitch tone " why you come back ? "
Of course i said my "friend" lied to me on wearing classtee .
And left home with his cardigan and my running shoe ( more like for walking ) .

Reached school almost an hour late and i could sense everyone looking at me .
I mean obviously la .
We would always notice it when people walking at the side of the hall .
And i sat beside my co-form
alone .

I tried to catch a glimpse of you ,
but i know you would be angry with me for walking off , again .
You know my temper .
I walk off when i'm angry , throw things when i'm angry .
I can't control my emotions well .
I don't know to just cry or what when the counselor told me i looked abit of emo .
How am i suppose to react ?

I quickly ate my brunch and left school
walking the way we'll usually walk home together .
I couldn't hide my tears anymore so i cried and walked .
I walked and cried to the bus stop .
Feel so insecure without you then when passersby kept look at me
and they're guys .
i sat on the stone chair facing the river or whatever shit you called that ,
and cried stupidly , hoping no one would hear me .

seriously asking you to return me the umbrella was just an excuse to see you .
I wanted to apologize .
I wrote that on our diary ;
to find or call you when we quarrel .
But it's very obvious you don't want to see me as you left my umbrella outside your house
and asked me to go and take it , or leave it .
I went , and took it .
I crossed the road like some idiot who had never jay walked before and almost got into and accident .
Stupid things like this always happen when i'm not thinking .

Since you won't see me , i went home .

Showered and left house .
Out to study .
At mac

Alone .

And happened to see Junjie and calvin there .
& tried to disturb the sleeping junjie while he's sleeping .

But while studying alone , junjie came in and mess my hair before going to the toilet .
I serious thought it was you .
I felt so happy , thinking you came and find me , thinking it was you who messed my hair as you'll always do that ,
i looked around frantically , and found myself so disappointed .
It was junjie .

Sigh .

I called you , you didn't pick so i thought you're really sleeping .
I think you were .

And i went home so early for the first time , just to have a nap .
Maybe i was so tired after walking in the small rain this morning .

I'm just so upset .
So upset that i got so angry over nothing .
I'm really tired .
Tired of myself being like that .
Maybe it should be a law that people who can't handle their emotions cannot be in any relationship .
Maybe that'll be better .
It'll save all the heartbreaks and tears .

So tired , emotionally , physically & mentally
My stomach ain't working well too .
Think i ate too much and it's not digesting well .
Tried to purge and nothing came out so i took eno .
Will probably go and do art right now .

***
It's 3 months and 3 days since we've been officially together .
I really hoped to get through years with you .
Really .
If something goes wrong ..
I'll probably be a lesbian like my cousin then .
I couldn't love another person like as much and how much i loved you .
It's actually 5 months plus , if you did asked me earlier .
We wanted to wait till o's are over but hah ,
ain't we some impatient little kids .

You still owe me 2 churros
Hahahah .
I like it when you get it for me .
I feel like a kid , feeling so happy when their parents get for them just a lollipop .
But obviously this is way to ex . like 4 times the price of lollipop . HA
Regardless of the price ,
you were still willing to just see me eat the churros stupidly .

I .. couldn't help tearing when i think of us going to USS .
It's like , most of our memories are made there .
The cutting of queue for the mummy ride , hugging you from the back while queuing ,
sitting on the outdoor ride while holding your hand , listening and watching you complain how wet you got and how much the ride handle stinks ..
and the look on your face , how you looked at me and smiled at me with your eyebrow raised and say
" nothing , just looking at you "

I miss you so much .. really.